The talent competition in most beauty pageants is pretty diverse, but finding ways to incorporate mothers into the mix produced some Crowned acts that would’ve had Chuck Barris and Jaye P. Morgan lunging for the gong. From a sailor dance to blonde comedy banter, these women better cling to their day jobs. The judges thought pushy Laura was da bomb singing Climb Every Mountain, despite poor Patty’s off-key piano pounding. Favorites Hollis and Gina disappointed with horrible harmonizing on their song, I’m Gonna Love You. It landed the Dream Girls in the Bottom Two opposite Goal Getters Jill and Nicole, whose hoola-hoop skills are, frankly, worse than mine. Their disjointed swiveling earned them a bus ride to the airport—which is sad, because they were part of the nice clique and the mother looks like Jane Seymour. Next week, house troublemaker Angela is back to her dirty tricks and cracking us up. Meanwhile, on the Upper East Side there was more cash flowing than a broken slot machine. Chuck ponied up $10G to Vanessa for her incriminating tape, then Blair paid V’s rent for a year after receiving the “real” footage. Serena nearly got all her buds expelled by breaking into the school pool — til new stepdad-to-be Bart Bass pulled some cash-strings to make it all go away. The night’s most tragic story involved Lily. She’d finally decided to leave Bass and his snobs for her true love, Rufus. But daughter Serena freaked, saying she didn’t want her boyfriend, Dan, as a stepbro! So she gets Chuckie instead…not a great tradeoff. In next week’s possible season finale (pending the writer’s strike), Blair suspects she’s pregnant. Wait’ll Gossip Girl hears!
Crowned / Encore: Sun. 9pm - All New! Wed. 8pm
Gossip Girl / All New! Wed. 9pm
