There are telltale signs that Sunday night’s episode of Life is Wild could be either the season or series finale.  Entitled “Home,” it’s the last of 13 episodes produced, and the cast has returned to America after months of shooting the drama on a lush game reserve in South Africa.  Too, The CW is moving its Monday comedies into Life is Wild’s Sunday timeslot the following week.  Even if the writer’s strike is soon settled, how quickly could production resume on a set 8,000 miles away?  So this weekend’s saga will likely tie up several key storylines, such as Jesse’s crossroads decision on whether to follow Mbali to New York, Katie’s budding romance with best-friend Tumelo, and (based on the promos) a possibly fatal lion attack on Art.  Will the family flee their exotic naturealm for the concrete jungle of NY?  Life is Wild has been such a great series for parents and kids to watch together, and if you’re tempted by that little football game on another channel, I promise there’ll be scores and highlights replayed for weeks.  You won’t miss a thing!  In fact, you may want to stick around for the Crowned finale encore after Life is Wild.  (SPOILERS)  Many already know that the Daredevil Divas, Moya and Jenileigh, won the pageant—and who can complain, given all the tragedy they’ve endured?  Moya’s husband was killed in a chopper crash and financial struggles cost the family their home.  They conducted themselves with class throughout the series, in stark contrast to the Sincere Sexy Reds (Laura and Patty), who Hollis had the pleasure of de-sashing in a mid-finale “ambush” elimination.  What the Reds did to “Climb Every Mountain” in the talent segment is just a crime against music.  My gameplan advice is to make Sunday a Super Finale night. 

Crowned narrowed its field to the Final Four teams, heading into Wednesday’s unpredictable season finale. As usual, outspoken redhead Laura was front and center, fake-crying that she didn’t want to show “like, any stupidity whatsoever.” (Someone hide the first six episodes from her, please.) Last night’s challenge was the dreaded personal interview, and Laura and Patty were only too happy to finger the team they thought should be sent home: The Dream Gals. Ha! Didn’t happen. Ada and Christan’s replies were even more insipid and had their sashes snipped amid further fake tears. So—big finale in a few days, with a live studio audience and soap star Jack Wagner hosting. In the meantime, you can catch up with the latest Crowned Sock Puppet Theatre parody by clicking here. One night earlier, we were unnerved by several occurrences in One Tree Hill. First, Brooke has no business savvy whatsoever? Apparently she’s nothing more than the face of the company, while Mommie Dearest pulls the strings. Even I had the good sense to wonder how little Tree Hill was going to support a high-end fashion store. Mommie hates Brooke’s friends, calling Lucas an “ill-advised love-interest” and Peyton a “parasitic friend who couldn’t cut it in LA.” Elsewhere, most people have to wonder if Quentin will ever shed his cocky persona. And since Haley found her son’s drawing of himself and nanny Carrie—just before the credits flashed—we have to assume something sinister is brewing there. Only one other city in the entire country had a higher rating than WBNX for this episode. Cleveland clearly loves One Tree Hill’s new format, which hits “rewind” this coming week for some answers we’ve been waiting for.

Anyone who’s seen an episode of Crowned: The Mother of all Pageants knows the reality show is seriously ripe for lampooning.  And we’ve gotta hand it to the young YouTuber who created short highlight re-enactments of the first four episodes—using some colorful socks, goofy doll decorations, and voice mimicry that will have tears rolling down your cheeks.  It’s so simple, yet so hysterical.  Kooky redheads Patty and Laura give standout sock performances, mostly because their actual dialogue is used…and it was wild the first time we heard it!  “Mama really loves her hamburger meat,” exclaims Laura, represented by a little stuffed devil.  Carson Kressley’s sock is also put thru the spin-cycle.  These videos cover various mother/daughter intros, the workout challenge, team photo-shoots, talent competition, and behind-the-scenes drama.  As we eagerly await the next puppet theatre installment, we thought you’d like to watch the first three.  Click and enjoy!

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3 & 4

The talent competition in most beauty pageants is pretty diverse, but finding ways to incorporate mothers into the mix produced some Crowned acts that would’ve had Chuck Barris and Jaye P. Morgan lunging for the gong.  From a sailor dance to blonde comedy banter, these women better cling to their day jobs.  The judges thought pushy Laura was da bomb singing Climb Every Mountain, despite poor Patty’s off-key piano pounding.  Favorites Hollis and Gina disappointed with horrible harmonizing on their song, I’m Gonna Love You.  It landed the Dream Girls in the Bottom Two opposite Goal Getters Jill and Nicole, whose hoola-hoop skills are, frankly, worse than mine.  Their disjointed swiveling earned them a bus ride to the airport—which is sad, because they were part of the nice clique and the mother looks like Jane Seymour.  Next week, house troublemaker Angela is back to her dirty tricks and cracking us up.   Meanwhile, on the Upper East Side there was more cash flowing than a broken slot machine.  Chuck ponied up $10G to Vanessa for her incriminating tape, then Blair paid V’s rent for a year after receiving the “real” footage.  Serena nearly got all her buds expelled by breaking into the school pool — til new stepdad-to-be Bart Bass pulled some cash-strings to make it all go away.  The night’s most tragic story involved Lily.  She’d finally decided to leave Bass and his snobs for her true love, Rufus.  But daughter Serena freaked, saying she didn’t want her boyfriend, Dan, as a stepbro!  So she gets Chuckie instead…not a great tradeoff.  In next week’s possible season finale (pending the writer’s strike), Blair suspects she’s pregnant.  Wait’ll Gossip Girl hears!

The Mother of all Beauty Pageants has uncovered some “nightmare” contestants, as Hollis calls them, with the mansion split into two cliques who don’t get along at all.  Last week the daughters were in control of the challenges, and this week the nervous moms took over—choosing evening gown ensembles and calling the shots at the team-photo shoot.  Only about half of the portraits were praised, with the judges singling out Diamond Dolls for having pageant experience and still coming up far short.  In the end, the Tomboy Queens (Pamela and Felicia) were asked to pick up the scissors…and de-sash themselves!  Oh, the tomfoolery.  Angela and her daughter Tenia (Beauty is Skin Deep) nearly started a rumble in the house, attacking the much-loved Gina and Hollis for being “fake and phony.”  The war began with Angela & Co. eavesdropping on the nice clique thru the mansion intercom, then barging right in and starting the face-to-face confrontation.  She’s so over-the-top in her taunts, you wonder if she’s for real.  But there were lots of tears flowing, and the upcoming episodes will only crank up the pressure.  Next week it’s the talent competition—this should be great!

It wasn’t a good night to be blonde on The CW, as Saleisha edged out fair-haired beauties Chantal and Jenah to become America’s Next Top Model.  While some judges wondered if Saleisha’s girl-next-door looks would translate to high-fashion, her fierce leaping photo at the Great Wall of China was hailed as the best shot of this season’s competition, and she worked the exotic runway last night like a confident pro.  Earlier, the three finalists filmed another commercial—and proved, once again, that “modeling” and “acting” are two different beasts.  Their struggles when the camera began to roll was painful to see…”take 19, take 20.”  A teleprompter would really help.  Jenah was axed at the first panel session, when Nigel said her performance seemed to be making fun of the product.  The other two girls also took parting shots at Jenah when they were asked who was least-qualified to win.  All three finalists take excellent pictures, but Saleisha has the complete package and was a great choice.

Meanwhile, on the series premiere of Crowned, two of the cockiest and most-unsociable teams were facing elimination, with the Blonde Bombshells—thinking they were goners—instructed to “de-sash” the Reigning A’s.  It was a wildly amusing debut, as moms and daughters chose their team names, then made rather odd first impressions on the judges, who are bitingly-honest in their critiques.  Carson Kressley said the Bombshells’ enormous hats made them look like Amish hookers…and well, you can imagine his reaction to one pair calling themselves “Silent But Deadly.”  Many of the teams have legit reasons for needing the $100,000 prize (husband was killed in a helicopter crash, kidney transplant, lost their home, etc.), and they don’t care who they step on to win it.  It’s a delicious blend of Mean Girls and Clueless!  After only one episode, I suspect this could be my favorite reality show ever.

Beauty pageants are a breeding ground for egos, cattiness, jealousy, sabotage and cutthroat competition.  Blend in the sometimes volatile relationships of headstrong young women and their domineering moms…and you’ve got The CW’s winter brainchild, Crowned: The Mother of all Pageants.  For eight weeks, beginning December 12, we’ll be treated to a cheese-filled showdown, with 11 cagey teams vying for tiaras and a $100,000 grand prize.  It’s clear from the outset that several of these gals don’t get along.  One outspoken contestant, Laura, says she’s already pegged the phonies in the bunk bed-filled house.  Which sounds funny coming from her, since the rather-homely Laura and her over-the-top singing make her the early favorite as “most annoying villain.”   Other teams look so good, it’s hard to tell who’s the mother and who’s the daughter.  But this pageant is based on much more than physical appearance, and the judges seem just as entertaining as the women they “de-sash” each week.  Click here to see the runway tandems — and watch this unique contest with your mom.  You’ll both get a huge kick out of it.

Among all networks, The CW may be the most equipped to endure the current work-stoppage by film and TV writers. Everybody Hates Chris began taping early this year due to its young star’s growth spurt, and they’ve completed all 22 episodes. The other Monday comedies are also far ahead in production, says Variety, and new sitcom Eight Days a Week—with Justin Hartley, Mario Lopez and Christina Milian—has 13 episodes ready for midseason. On the drama side, One Tree Hill has a good portion of its 22 episodes (or scripts) ready to roll in January; Smallville will have seven new stories to air after tomorrow night; and Supernatural has four more in the can—with another five scripts ready to shoot, according to the LA Times. Gossip Girl producer Josh Schwartz says the hit soap has five fresh hours completed, following tonight’s jaw-dropper, while Friday Night SmackDown is new every week and not affected by the writers strike. Where The CW is especially strong, however, is in popular reality series…five, to be exact. New cycles of Top Model and Beauty & The Geek are in the works, along with season two of Pussycat Dolls, in which they’ll be assembling a brand new group. The mother-daughter beauty pageant show, Crowned, looks hilarious (click here for a preview); and you can scroll down a bit to read about Farmer Wants a Wife—a must-see for NE Ohio cowpokes. Nobody likes a strike, especially the talented folks carrying picket signs in freezing temperatures, but we’ll get thru it on-air…hopefully without missing a beat.